The ones that made me

movies, identity & what's in my closet

I’ve been posting videos about the movies that made me who I am. Specifically, I’m talking about movies I saw in my ten, teens, and twenties that I loved so much they became a part of me. Have I also been heavily influenced by other art forms like books, paintings, performances? Of course I have, but it’s fun to talk about movies (it’s also fun to get intellectual and talk about film,) because they move around and talk to you and you can dial them up whenever you want and go flying back through your memory into a different world…

and because of the clothes.

As I starting thinking about the movies that influenced my youth, a theme emerged. I saw that the ones I loved the most centered around wardrobe. These movies had inspired me to want to dress in a particular way, to say something about myself through the clothes I put on my body.

But I was not a an actor in Hollywood working with a stylist; I was a teenager in Kentucky, so my own outfits often missed the mark (and hey, they still do) but that never stopped me from trying to put together ensembles that expressed my true essence (and it still doesn’t.)

Some of my most cherished movies didn’t receive critical acclaim. That never stopped me either. I love what I love.

Today is my birthday. 🎂

At 55, am I too old to still want that jacket Madonna wore in Desperately Seeking Susan? I’ll just go ahead and answer that for you. No. I am not. It doesn’t matter how big that number gets. I will always be with Andie in her bedroom, wearing pink. I will always be a young woman with artistic ambitions, wandering around New York’s Lower East Side with an armful of bangle bracelets.

I will never stop being me.

Here are some of the movies that help me remember who that is:

1. Pretty in Pink

   I have some problems with John Hughes’ movies in general. (The racism and misogyny of Sixteen Candles blows my mind,) but his were the movies of my teen years and they did capture something about who we were as a generation. Pretty in Pink is not only my favorite John Hughes movie, it’s probably my favorite movie of all time. I love Molly Ringwald so much. She is my queen. I love every outfit Andie wears (except for the prom dress, sadly,) and tip my beret to Marilyn Vance. Should this movie have stuck to its original ending wherein Andie and Duckie end up together? I think we all know the answer is yes, but still. This movie hits, every time. (Also, shout out to Annie Potts! I hear Iona’s voice in my head nearly every day.)

2. St. Elmo’s Fire

   I was a Jules fan. I loved her clothes, her smoky voice, her pink apartment with the Billy Idol mural. She is not doing well here, but teenaged me glossed over that fact. I was also taken with those long strands of pearls Ally Sheedy wears, and the lace collars. I had a few lace collars of my own, truth be told. See also: Rob Lowe. I mean. Come on. I’ll never not watch St. Elmo’s Fire if I’m scrolling by and it’s on. The theme music still brings a tear to my eye.

3. A Star is Born

   I was a child in 1976 and did not see A Star is Born in the theater. What I did do, however, was go to the Britt’s Department Store and buy the 45 of Evergreen, which I proceeded to play, and sing along with, on repeat. When I did finally see the movie, I was mesmerized. 1970’s Kris Kristofferson was sexy as hell and Barbara Streisand’s wardrobe is fire. People say a lot of junk about this movie. Those people are wrong.

4. Slaves of New York

   I had read and loved the Tama Janowitz stories Slaves of New York when this film adaptation came out, so I eagerly went to see it and I loved it so much. I was a college art student and this movie about the New York City arts scene and bad relationships hit me in the exact right spot. Bernadette Peters is fantastic here and her wardrobe is spectacular (Oh, that coat with the tail!) Carol Ramsey did the costume design.

5. Desperately Seeking Susan

   If you’ve never watched this because you think it is a “Madonna movie” you don’t know what you’re missing. I ran to the mall to see this the moment it premiered (not really. I got someone to drive me) and saw it multiple times before it left the theater. Years later, when I moved to NYC without a job or a plan, it was this movie playing in the back of my mind. The first time I found myself standing in front of Love Saves the Day, I could barely breathe. Susan Seidelman is a genius and I recommend making this a double feature with her earlier movie, Smithereens, which is also about New York and identity and also features a jacket I would love to own.

6. Fast Times at Ridgemont High

   I didn’t see this in the theater but I did see it not too long after its release when it was on cable. (Do ya’ll remember when HBO, much like Mtv, seemed like some sort of miracle!?) I’ve watched it many, many times since (along with Valley Girl, which seems like its cousin somehow.) When people talk about Fast Times, they tend to talk about Spicoli or the swimming pool scene, but if you ask me, Fast Times is Jennifer Jason Leigh’s movie. Stacy’s storyline is at the heart of what Amy Heckerling is getting at here and its a more serious movie than it gets credit for, even though I often think about Ridgemont’s multiple Pat Benatars.

7. Grease

   I was also a child when Grease was released, but this I did see it in the theater, with my whole family. My mom hated it, but I loved it. I loved the music, I loved Frenchy’s pink hair mistake, I loved Stockard Channing’s pencil skirt, I loved Olivia Newton John tossing that cigarette on to the ground. Loved it all and still do. I miss the days when thirty-five year olds could portray high school students. (I mean that sincerely.)

8. Party Girl

   I had been living in New York for three years when Party Girl came out. I sort of knew people who sort of knew Parker Posey, so that was exciting. Does anyone know if there was an art house cinema in Chelsea in the 90s? Because that’s where I feel like I saw this movie. Wherever I was, I loved it and I every single thing Parker Posey wears in it. (Still do.) This is such a sweet movie. It’s really delightful. I carry it around in a handbag on my crooked elbow when I wear my leopard print coat.

9. The Goodbye Girl

   I was around eight years old when I saw The Goodbye Girl, in the theater. I might have been with my mom and I might have been with a babysitter. I’m not sure. But I loved this movie. I loved Marsha Mason. I loved the New York apartment. I loved Quinn Cummings. It was so exciting to see a girl around my same age just acting her heart out on the big screen - so inspirational to me as a wanna be movie star. (Quinn is on TikTok, by the way. She’s still awesome.)

10. Flashdance

    I was thirteen or fourteen when I saw Flashdance. I loved, of course, Jennifer Beals’ oversized off-the-shoulder sweatshirt and leg warmers. What I most loved about this movie, however, was the soundtrack and the scenes in the strip club. Do you think it’s weird that a thirteen year old would lie in her bed listening to the Flashdance soundtrack on her Walkman imagining herself dancing in a strip club? Because no. It wasn’t weird. I’m not weird, okay?

There are some glaring omissions from this list. Where’s Say Anything? What about Reality Bites? Romy and Michelle? Heathers? Clueless? The Outsiders for goodness sake? Plus, I’ve completely left off Classic Hollywood and all of the high brow stuff and a lot of comedies. And the musicals.

The truth is, I could talk about movies forever, but these ten are the truly the heart of the matter, the ones I come back to time and again to catch a little glimpse of the pieces of me I’ve left, like a trail of glittering pink stardust, as I’ve moved through time trying (and often failing) to get dressed and navigate life.

What about you? What are the movies that help you see yourself?

xoxo